In the depths of every heart, love creates bonds and expands existence, for it draws people out of themselves and towards others. 65Cf. Saint Thomas Aquinas: Scriptum super Sententiis, lib. 3, dist. 27, q. 1, a. 1, ad 4: “Dicitur amor extasim facere et fervere, quia quod fervet extra se bullit et exhalat”. Since we were made for love, in each one of us “a law of ekstasis” seems to operate: “the lover ‘goes outside’ the self to find a fuller existence in another”. 66Karol Wojtyła, Love and Responsibility, London, 1982, 126. For this reason, “man always has to take up the challenge of moving beyond himself”. 67Karl Rahner, Kleines Kirchenjahr. Ein Gang durch den Festkreis, Herderbücherei 901, Freiburg, 1981, 30.
Nor can I reduce my life to relationships with a small group, even my own family; I cannot know myself apart from a broader network of relationships, including those that have preceded me and shaped my entire life. My relationship with those whom I respect has to take account of the fact that they do not live only for me, nor do I live only for them. Our relationships, if healthy and authentic, open us to others who expand and enrich us. Nowadays, our noblest social instincts can easily be thwarted by self-centred chats that give the impression of being deep relationships. On the contrary, authentic and mature love and true friendship can only take root in hearts open to growth through relationships with others. As couples or friends, we find that our hearts expand as we step out of ourselves and embrace others. Closed groups and self-absorbed couples that define themselves in opposition to others tend to be expressions of selfishness and mere self-preservation.
Significantly, many small communities living in desert areas developed a remarkable system of welcoming pilgrims as an exercise of the sacred duty of hospitality. The medieval monastic communities did likewise, as we see from the Rule of Saint Benedict. While acknowledging that it might detract from the discipline and silence of monasteries, Benedict nonetheless insisted that “the poor and pilgrims be treated with the utmost care and attention”. 68Regula, 53, 15: “Pauperum et peregrinorum maxime susceptioni cura sollicite exhibeatur”. Hospitality was one specific way of rising to the challenge and the gift present in an encounter with those outside one’s own circle. The monks realized that the values they sought to cultivate had to be accompanied by a readiness to move beyond themselves in openness to others.